


Abandon

by Wizardinpyjamas



Series: 30 Day Writing Prompts - November 2019 [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU - Human, AU - Modern, Angst, Break Up, Day 5, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, M/M, POV Castiel (Supernatural), POV Dean Winchester, POV Sam Winchester, Post-Break Up, Sam POV, fun times, i guess?, its basically just them crying, like all the angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-08
Updated: 2019-11-08
Packaged: 2021-01-25 17:00:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21359590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wizardinpyjamas/pseuds/Wizardinpyjamas
Summary: Loosely inspired by the end of 15x03.Dean and Castiel break up.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: 30 Day Writing Prompts - November 2019 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1537129
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	Abandon

**Author's Note:**

> Doing this - [November 2019 Writing Prompts](https://hvnteddean.tumblr.com/tagged/patient-prompts/chrono/)  
Day 5 - Abandon

**Castiel**

“More shots!” Charlie shouts, slamming her hands on the bar and standing from her stool, trying to catch the bartender’s eye. 

“No, Charlie, please,” Castiel says, pushing her back onto her seat. “No more.” His voice is low and gravelly - not much different to usual - but emotionless. 

“Dude,” Charlie says. “You need to loosen up. Yes, you’ve just dumped the love of your life,” she continues, the alcohol making her mouth run even more than usual. Cas tenses at the kind of, almost mention of Dean, but she bulldoses straight past. “You need to have some fun tonight, my man, and forget all about him.” 

“I didn’t expect you to react this way,” Cas tells her, not taking his eyes off the half empty bottle of beer he’s holding out in front of him. “Dean’s your best friend.” 

“Exactly!” she says, far too enthusiastically. Cas looks at her, eyes squinting in confusion. “No,” she says, “you don’t understand. I _ know _ Dean, I know what he’s like. He’s all fun and rainbows, albeit a little intense at times, until things get serious.” 

Cas huffs at that. _ You’ve got that right _, he thinks.

“I love him like a brother, I really do,” Charlie continues, “but he’s treated you like shit for way too long.” 

Cas slowly nods his head in agreement, but acknowledging the fact doesn’t make him feel any better. He feels a lump stick in his throat and he takes a swig of his slightly too warm beer.

“You deserve better,” Charlie tells him, sincere now, resting her hand on his shoulder. Cas wants to reply, wants to feel that that’s true, but all he can do in this moment is let the tears fall and feel the pain of losing the one person that he loved with all his heart. 

Cas feels Charlie take one of his hands in hers. The presence is comforting, and they sit there for a while, waiting for the wave of emotion to pass.

“Everything’s going to be okay, honey.” Charlie’s voice is quiet and kind. It’s almost enough to comfort Cas. Almost.

“No it’s not,” Cas mumbles. “It’s not going to be okay. I fucked everything up and now he probably hates me for leaving him, pushing him away.”

“Sweetie, no.” Charlie strokes Cas’s arm.

“I’m never going to get him back,” he says, staring right at Charlie, his voice monotone and low. 

“There are plenty of guys out there like him,” Charlie says. 

“I’m going to be alone. Forever.”

“You’ll find someone else.”

Cas shakes his head. “There’s no one else like Dean.” 

Charlie takes a sharp inhale at Dean’s name, but quickly covers it up. “That’s it,” she says, suddenly. “I’m texting Gabriel.”

Cas’s hand flies out to stop her from reaching for her phone. 

“No,” he almost shouts. “You can’t- you…” The words get stuck in his throat. 

“I just don’t think you should be alone right now, and I’ve got to be in work tomorrow. I’m just going to see if he can come over tomorrow.” 

“I… I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Why not? He’s your brother, you need to take your mind off things.”

“If I see Gabriel he’s either going to try and make me do ridiculous things, or he’ll make me want to talk about… _ him _.”

“So talk about _ him _.”

“But… nobody know that he and I… he’s not _ out _, and Gabriel is Sam’s best friend and if I accidentally tell Gabriel then he will tell Sam and that’s not fair. I don’t care how much he hurt me, he doesn’t deserve that. Nobody does.” 

Charlie gives Cas a small smile.

“You really do love him.” She says it quietly, a simple statement that hits her hard. She shakes her head as fresh tears start to escape from Cas’s eyes.

She leans forwards precariously on her barstool to wrap her arms around her friend. Cas buries his face into Charlie’s neck as he cries, sobs overtaking his body as he struggles to breathe. 

“I’ve lost him,” Cas says. 

“Shhh.” Charlie tries to calm him.

“I’ve lost him.”

“I know, honey.”

“I’ve lost him.”

“I’ve lost him.”

He grabs on tighter, clutching at Charlie’s clothes as though everything would fall apart if he couldn’t get as close to her as possible. 

“I’ve lost him.”

  
  


* * *

**Sam**

“Hey man,” Sam says, entering his brother’s small kitchen. “I let myself in, hope that’s okay.” 

The first thing he notices is the smell of bacon, and considering they always meet at his older brother’s apartment on a Saturday morning for breakfast he assumes Dean has gotten a head start on this week’s fry up. He grabs a plate, looking around for the eggs and mushrooms that Dean usually leaves for him, but there’s nothing there.

He turns to where his brother is sat and sees an enormous pile of bacon, Dean slowly making his way through it, one strip at a time.

Sam furrows his eyebrows. _ Weird _ , he thinks. Even for Dean, that is a _ lot _ of bacon.

“Okay,” he says slowly. “Good morning to you, too.”

Dean grunts in reply, not even looking up from his plate.

“You heard from Cas today?” Sam asks his brother. 

“Why would I have heard from Cas?” Dean snaps, his voice harsh.

“Woah,” Sam says, holding up his hands in front of him. “Charlie said he’d broken up with the mystery guy he’d been seeing. Apparently he’s pretty bummed.”

“Mmmhm,” Dean replies. 

“Dude, what’s wrong with you, today?”  
“Me?” Dean says, startled. “Nothing, I’m fine. I’m fantastic.”

“Alright, well I was thinking of popping over to see Cas, try and cheer him up a bit, you know.”

“I don’t know man,” Dean starts.

“He’s your best friend,” Sam explains. “You got something better to do?”

“Actually, Benny’s in town. We’re gonna go grab some lunch.”

“Benny’s in town? Really?” This was news to Sam. The last he heard, Benny had been stationed overseas. Dean hadn’t heard from him in weeks.

“Uh, yeah,” Dean says, taking another bite of bacon, sounding unsure. “Only for a couple of days.”

“Oh, that’s cool,” Sam says, more enthusiastically than he meant to. He tries to reign it back in, trying to sound more sincere. He knows how difficult it is for Dean to see Benny still enlisted after what he saw in the army himself. “I hope he’s doing well.”

Dean nods as he gets up and moves towards the refrigerator where he takes out a bottle of Heineken. He pops the cap and takes a swig.

“Seriously, dude?” Sam asks. “It’s nine am.”

Dean simply shrugs.

“You going through a break up, too, or something?” Sam chuckles. 

“Heh,” Dean says with a small, forced smile. “You know me, Sammy. I don’t do relationships.” Dean flashes Sam a bright grin that makes Sam think Dean’s hiding something, but he knows his brother, and if Dean wanted to talk about it, he would. Now is not the time to question him.

* * *

Sam stands outside of Castiel’s front door, hands shoved into his pockets, waiting for Cas to answer. He can hear the television on, low, rumbling sounds reverberating through the walls.

“Come on, Cas, open up!” Sam shouts, knocking on the door again. He checks the handle to find that it’s unlocked. He’s not as close to Cas as Dean, but he feels like he knows the guy well enough to let himself into his small townhouse. The guy may be nerdy, but working as a professor at the local University sure does pay well. 

Sam thinks he can hear Harrisson Ford’s voice coming from the lounge, followed by the unmistakable sound of a Wookie. 

Cas had never struck Sam as a particularly big _ Star Wars _fan, so to walk into his house to find him deep into episode VI while, according to Charlie, he’s deep into his post-break up pity-party, is definitely a surprise.

“Cas?” Sam asks as he enters the lounge. He sees his friend sitting on the couch, his back to Sam, a thick blanket wrapped around his shoulders. His shoulders are shaking.

Sam’s heart breaks at the sight of the crying man in front of him, and he reaches out to comfort him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Cas jumps at the sudden contact, and turns in his seat.

“Sam,” he says, relieved. “I didn’t hear you come in.”  
“Clearly,” Sam replies. He moves around the couch, and sits down on the armchair next to him. From this angle he can see just how terrible Cas looks. His eyes are puffy and red, his hair pointing in every direction and, no offence to the guy, but he smells like he hasn’t showered in a week. His face is tear streaked, and he has what looks like a smear of ice cream on his left cheek. _ Damn _ , Sam thinks, _ things with mystery dude must have been more serious than he let on _. “You okay?”

Cas starts to nod sadly, but that quickly dissolves into a shake of the head, Cas continuing to cry. 

Sam notices that he’s holding a large tub of ice cream in his hands, and he throws a questioning look towards it. 

“Charlie told me it would help,” Cas explains. “It tastes good, but it’s not doing much to help ease the pain.”

Sam nods, knowingly.

“Do you wanna… talk about it?” Sam asks his friend. “I know I never met your mystery man, but I’m happy to listen.”

“That’s very kind, Sam,” Cas says, sincere. “But what I really want is to forget about him for a while.”

Sam gives Cas a small smile.

“Sure. What do you want to do? Do you want to go out? Get some fresh air?”  
“That would be nice. Thank you, Sam. You’re a good friend.”

Sam simply nods. 

Cas puts the half-eaten tub of cookies ‘n’ cream on the small coffee table, lifts the remote to turn off _ Return of the Jedi _ and rises from the couch. The blanket falls from his shoulders, revealing an old, fading 1977 ‘In Concert’ Led Zeppelin t-shirt. Sam narrows his eyes.

“Hey,” he says, speaking without thinking. “Isn’t that Dean’s?” 

As he says the words his eyes grow wide as everything seems to click into place.

* * *

**Dean**

Dean can be a real jerk sometimes, but he never actually thought that Cas would ever leave. Dean is used to people leaving him. The only person who’d ever stuck around was Sam, but Cas? Cas was different. He was good and kind and pure. More importantly, Cas _ chose _ Dean, and Dean chose Cas, even if he was too much of a coward to tell the world just how much he loved that angel faced nerd. 

And now? Dean is alone. Again. 

But that’s not even the worst part.

Really, Dean doesn’t care that he’s alone. _ That _ he can deal with. 

But Cas? Gone? 

That’s too much to bare. 

Dean feels like his heart is going to break out of his chest, and knowing that he did this, _ he _ made Cas leave, he made Cas hurt so bad that he didn’t want to be around Dean anymore… Well, he only has himself to blame. 

So Dean keeps on living. He doesn’t let himself feel that pain. He doesn’t deserve the luxury of falling apart.

So he keeps his emotions bottled up, locked away, never to see the light of day.

Until he can’t do it any longer.

And maybe Dean only lets himself feel, truly _ feel _, everything he’s lost while he’s in the shower, the hot water scalding his body, deafening the world around him. Maybe he sits on the floor as the water falls onto his skin, and maybe he sobs so hard his body rocks back and forth, allowing the anguish to be the lifeblood that pumps through his veins. Maybe he slams his fist into the wall, his knuckles speckled with red from the impact, and maybe Sam finds him that way when he comes to check up on him, jumping into the shower fully clothed, taking his older brother into his arms, letting him cling to him for as long as he needs.

Maybe that happens.

But he doesn’t talk about it, doesn’t acknowledge it.

He doesn’t deserve to feel the pain.

So he doesn’t. 

He carries on living, and when he sees Castiel he smiles, he’s polite, and he acts like his heart hasn’t been split in two, one half still in his chest, the other half tied to the man he never thought would leave him.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Kudos are like doing shots with Charlie, comments are like watching Star Wars with Dean!


End file.
